It is impossible to please everyone and you should accept it. Easy to say! It is very difficult to stay calm facing open hostility. How to cope with rejection without running to extremes?
Having learned about the negative attitude towards themselves, most people began to worry. They perceive painfully every rejection, expressed in any form. But at the same time, it is useful, says journalist Rebecca Fishbein, relying on the opinion of psychologists and psychotherapists. Experts believe that situations of rejection can help. Thus, the breaking of a romantic relationship will give a possibility to find a more suitable partner, the termination of friendship – to enter the right circle. As a result, the relations which you will build with people, who accept you, will be less emotionally cost.
It is possible to go through the hostility of others without serious shocks. To do this take into consideration a few effective tips.
Do not be afraid of pain
From our ancestors, we had inherited a strong biological reaction, able to cause physical damage. For our ancestors the exile from the tribe meant death. Awareness of rejection causes a number of unpleasant emotions. Guilt comes first. You are sure that you have done something wrong and you are rejected deservedly. You feel ashamed, you feel humiliated and weak and try to earn the approval of those people who reject you. You do it because you want to get rid of painful experiences.
The situation of rejection force you to face with early primitive feelings, raising in memory the similar events of the past. This is normal, provided that you are not stuck in such experiences, depriving yourself of the opportunity to move on.
Do not take everything on yourself
Every person has a number of personal traits and unique experience, that is why there is nothing surprising in the fact that sometimes two different people have incompatible views and values. When the question concerns social relations, the hostility of the person may be caused by his desire to achieve a certain status and benefits. For this, some people can temporarily make strategic alliances and destroy them to achieve their goals.
In any case, the relationships are determined by what you bring to them, even unconsciously. We prefer to spend time with those who are equal to us in status and have similar traits and goals. Hostility can arise when people have nothing in common and equally valuable for everyone.
Pay attention to your behavior
It is quite normal to face rejection from time to time. If you notice that this becomes regularly, try to evaluate your behavior and be impartial. Sometimes it is very difficult to do it. For example, shy people with low self-esteem may disguise themselves, acting as if they were assertive and self-confident. This is a defense mechanism of the psyche, and a person often cannot notice that problems are in his behavior. If he understands the problem, he will be able to change the situation.
Of course, you can go along a simpler way by asking a person why he dislikes you. Having received the answer, you can decide what to do with this knowledge. Remember that the hostility can be related to his fears and prejudices.
Making new friends is not easy
Many people are afraid that after moving or changing their job they will not be able to make new friends. This can happen because building relationships is a long and difficult process. In an unfamiliar team, you will have to integrate into a group with established hierarchy and dynamics, and you will have to do this without having any idea about the internal rules of this group. That is why you should act carefully. Therefore, proceed carefully and take your time. Take a closer look at individual people, if possible, chat with your new colleagues separately. Give preference to the most amiable people.
Try to communicate more with those who like you
There are those who reject you and those who accept you, there are also those you can rely on in a difficult situation. Spend time with the latest, it will help you to increase your self-esteem and give you a sense of security. Remember: the best way to make friends is to be yourself. Do not put on masks. If you be care just about pleasing others, you will likely achieve the opposite effect. With time you will get true friends and good relations with others.
Enjoy the enmity
If you tried different methods and nothing works, just accept the fact that somebody does not like you and in your thoughts fight back the enemy. Do not be shy to express your emotions especially if a person shows dislike towards you because of envy, for example. Of course, you should not insult such people specifically, but you are not at all obliged to go out of your way to please them.
Why people can dislike you
There are a lot of things that can annoy other people and as a result they dislike you and reject:
- You too often say “I”;
- You are constantly interrupting the interlocutor;
- You speak too quietly or otherwise too loud;
- You do not look at the interlocutor;
- You do not immediately respond to emails and do not call back if you miss a call;
- You are arrogant;
- You are dispensable;
- You are tactless;
- You are careless in clothes and at work;
- During the conversation you come too close to the interlocutor and violate personal space;
- You constantly give advice, even if a person does not ask you;
- You are smart, clever and successful.
This list does not involve all the reasons why people may dislike you, nevertheless look through it carefully. If you find several points among the above you should think and try to change something. Correct your shortcomings, change your behavior and soon you will have people who will sympathize you.